You May Be A Fitness Nut !

Posted by on January 6, 2013 in Humor and Stupid Stuff | 0 comments

It’s true! You may be a Fitness Nut.

That could be good, or bad, as there are various grades of Fitness Nuttiness.

So, how do you know how serious your condition is?  Simple, take the “Fitness Nut” test. Provided here, for your entertainment.

Instructions:

Read the statements.

Keep track of the statements that identify you. Add up your “Fitness Nut” points. Note that some statements count more points than others.

When finished, tally your points and compare to the legend below.

Let’s start: You might be a Fitness Nut if…..

These statements count as 3 “Fitness Nut” points.

You’ve ever lied in order to get out of the house to go to the gym.

You’ve ever missed, or been late to, an important event such as; a parent’s funeral, the birth of your child, your wedding anniversary.

You’ve missed work, or shown up late, so you could do a work-out.

You have a photo of a non-relative athlete in your wallet or on your dresser. Double the “Fitness Nut” points if you’re not embarrassed by that.

Ignoring doctor’s advice, you exercise when injured. You believe in the no-pain, no-gain thing. And what do doctors know anyway?

These statements count as: 2 “Fitness Nut” points.

When planning travel, the first thing you do is check out the area gyms so you can select a hotel close to a good one.

You have a pull-up bar somewhere in your house other than in your work-out room. Double the “Fitness Nut” points if you do a set of pull-ups every time you go near the bar.

You have a bag full of supplements and you believe that they all work.

You compulsively log any (all?) of the following: sets and reps, miles and times, everything you eat.

These statements count: 1 “Fitness Nut” point.

You refuse to discard any of your old muscle / fitness / running magazines. And the stack is growing.

You have memberships at more than one gym. Double the “Fitness Nut” points if you sometimes visit both gyms in one day.

Casual conversations with you will eventually turn to exercise. Double the “Fitness Nut” points if people finish their break and leave when you enter the break-room.

You scoff at any workouts that do not conform to your way of thinking.

Even though you can’t lift the 120lb dumbbells, you like looking at them. Double the “Fitness Nut” points if you have dreams of lifting the 120lb dumbbells.

You don’t understand how anyone could NOT be into exercise.

Now – Score yourself using the Legend

Point Legend:

15 or more points:  You are a grade A Fitness Nut.

While it is unlikely that you can turn around your life, with serious interventions such as signing up for a class on gardening and by watching every episode of HGTV, most likely, you are finished.

Fitness has overtaken your life. If you are still employed, you are close to loosing your job. And your spouse may have already spoken with a divorce attorney. Since you frequently flex your muscles for all to see, your children are laughing at you and calling you “Arnold” behind your back.

Keep this up and ten years from now you will find yourself destitute and forced to take a job as a front desk person at a gym. Initially you will be happy with the job because of the gym environment, except for Thursdays, when it’s your turn to clean the crappers in the men’s room.

As your aging continues, you will become envious of the younger guys who lift heavy and run strong. You will bore them with stories about how much you “used to” lift and eventually they will avoid you.

Alone now, with no friends, no pension, and a piece of junk car, the only thing you can look forward to is to keep working out so you can eventually leave a moderately good looking corpse. The guys at the gym will chip in to buy you a headstone. It will resemble a 120lb dumbbell and will read, simply: “Dumbbell”.

9 to 14 points: You are a grade B Fitness Nut.

You have reached a serious point in your life that could, at any moment, go either way. While you still feel some guilt about your self-serving lifestyle, you are loosing your sense of what is right. Yes exercise is a good thing to do but not at the expense of other commitments such as family and job. Like any addict, you will fight the fact that you must change. Seeing a mental health counselor would not be too strong a suggestion for you.

1 to 8 points: You are a grade C Fitness Nut.

You are okay at this time but caution is advised. You are probably just overly enthusiastic about your fitness regimen. Tone it down a bit to keep things in perspective. Your family is your first priority. And your job is critical because earning a living makes possible everything else we do. Cut the number of workouts you do per week and spend more time with family and non-fitness friends. Be less self-centered. Listen to others. Don’t be a bore. Stop reading fitness blogs.

There you go, hope you enjoyed. Feel free to comment below.

You’re Personal Trainer,

Tom

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